"I already said too much. I already shared too much, and I want all my secrets back. I hate getting close to people these days, I always regret sharing too much, caring too much, doing too much, feeling too much."
I’m so sorry. For everything. I wish I could have been better for you. I’m just so sorry for all of it. You forgave me but I can’t forgive myself because I don’t know how. Actually, I really don’t know much anymore. That’s mostly what I’ve learned from the past year. I’ve learned how to increase my insecurities and anxieties, and function with constant fear in my heart, but I don’t know what to do about any of it, and I’m so sorry.
"You deserve someone who knows how to make things up to you after hurting you. Not someone who is very good with just the word “sorry.”"
"Try to love yourself as much as you want someone else to."
Please know that if you date me, I am a very touchy person. I will like to pet your head and hold your hand, rub your shoulders or hug you a lot. Simply put, to physically feel you in some way is very comforting to me and I can’t really apologize for it, it just feels natural to me and makes me happy.
To My Husband,
It’s 4am on a Wednesday morning and I’m just sitting in my dorm room, sad to be without you. Sad that this is another day I have to face without you in it. I know I don’t even know you yet, but the idea of facing just another day without the love of my life breaks my heart. Why? Because i know life is short, and with as much love I already have for you in my heart, we could have 60+ years together and it wouldn’t be enough. You and I will never have enough time. And I think thats why everyone is in such a rush to find “the one”. Not because once you find the person you’re meant to be with life will be perfect, but because it will suddenly become a hell of a lot more bearable. We all want that one person to go through life with and we’re all waiting in anticipation for that moment to happen. Not just the instance when you locked eyes with the cute guy across the coffee shop, or even that moment when you walked down the aisle towards your forever, but that moment when you’re tucked under his arm, as he’s snoring his heart out like an asshole, you’re exhausted and suddenly you hear a child cry, but you can lay there and think “I made it”. That. That’s what we’re all waiting for.
1. Time is of the essence. There is never enough time in the world and once it’s up, you can’t get it back. Make the best use of it.
2. Make dumb decisions while you still can. Judgement will come quicker than you know it when you get older and the decisions may haunt you. Be young and dumb.
3. Stress less about school. School isn’t everything and to be honest, careers happen more so off of who you know rather than your qualifications. It’s also okay to fail some tests, so get some sleep.
4. Take sick days even when you aren’t sick. The only difference is that they’re called “me days” and focus more on your mental health.
5. Spend money on things you’ll actually remember. You don’t need the best and most expensive clothes or things because you’re eventually going to grow out of them. Take that money and buy concert tickets and plane tickets; you’ll remember those more than that one pair of shoes from Jeffrey Campbell that wore out after a month.
6. Don’t make high school out to be the worst thing. If you wake up every day wishing you didn’t have to go or see the people there, you’ll make a habit of your attitude. High school can actually be really amazing once you stop being so pessimistic about it.
7. Apply to any and every school that you want to, no matter how ridiculous or far away it is. You will regret the decision of not doing this every single 8am class on Wednesday that you sit through or skip.
8. Get a job early on. Life is expensive and if you don’t want to be in debt forever, this will be your smartest decision. Also, make sure to save it rather than spending it on useless things.
9. Sometimes it’s easier to confide in your dog rather than your best friend. Especially if your best friend is the issue. If you tell someone that has the ability to tell them, they will hear about it somehow.
10. Do things because you want to do them. It’s the kind of thing your mom is trying to tell you when she asks “if you’re best friend jumps off a bridge are you going to too?,” except it’s less mom sounding.
11. To go with that, mom is always right. What she says might be harsh or might seem ludicrous, but I can promise you that she knows what she is talking about. She was young once too, give her the benefit of the doubt.
12. Change your appearance as much as you want to. If one day you want to wear all black and get tattoos and a million piercings, and the next you want to wear pink with a cute little kitty cat on it, do it. Also, semi-permanent hair dye is a thing so you don’t have to fully commit to a colour and hate it in a month.
13. Don’t surround yourself with bad people. Everyone says this and it’s probably annoying to constantly hear, but it will make the world of difference if you just drop them.
14. Do your homework/readings. At the end of the semester when everyone is rushing around trying to finish things, you’ll be at much more ease. It’s also a really easy way to keep your grade up and to be prepared for class discussions.
15. There is a reason some places don’t have cell towers/wifi; go outside. Looking at a picture of a place on your computer or phone isn’t as satisfying as seeing it in person. Shut off your electronics and explore.
16. Print pictures out. Your computer at some point will crash and you will lose everything, no matter how careful you are. It’s also much nicer to look at a book of pictures rather than scrolling through someone’s phone and seeing something you weren’t supposed to see.
17. Pamper yourself. Yes it’s convenient to paint your own nails for prom or to have your mom cut your hair, but you will be more confident when you spend the money on it.
18. Help out whenever you can, but don’t overexert yourself. If you have the time to do it, then do it, even if you don’t want to. The little old lady who you helped carry the groceries for will be so thankful and it will probably make her day.
19. Learn from your mistakes. There’s no point in being sour about the outcome. It happened for a reason, now try and figure it out so it doesn’t happen again.
20. Be a good person. There’s no reason not to be."
— 20 things I’ve learned before turning 20
"Be committed, not attached. But more importantly, know the difference."
— Kai, Lessons in Life #21
"Do not try to be pretty. You weren’t meant to be pretty; you were meant to burn down the earth and graffiti the sky. Don’t let anyone ever simplify you to just “pretty.”"
"I don’t just want to take your breath away. I want to rip it from your mouth and keep it locked away between my teeth. You can only have it back if you kiss me again."
— Meggie Royer